A couple of days ago, I asked Adrian what made him feel loved. I was curious; how does this person that I love receive love? He answered with concepts like “authenticity” and “truth.” Standard Adrian stuff. What really shook me was when he asked me the same question and I couldn’t find an answer that didn’t sound ridiculous. What, besides him, made me feel loved? I answered with “trees” and “mountains” and “knowing that I am wanted somewhere.” It was interesting to see the differences in how we perceive and receive love. A few years ago, my answers probably would not have been so simple. I have since learned to recognize love as more than just a thing that we receive from other people. It has taken me a while to learn that love can be subtle, and it is everywhere. This conversation with Adrian brought me back to a love lesson that I received this summer in Yosemite…
July 21, 2018. Tuolomne Meadows Campground, Yosemite National Park.
I wandered off alone in the early morning down a trail at the end of the campground where most of my family was still asleep. I walked slowly in whichever direction I desired, allowing myself to feel instead of think. I trusted the trail to guide me and my heart to lead me as my soul took in the view. The fog was low, gathering around the trees as the sun shimmered through pine needles, awakening the the forest. Every moment felt like it was made just for me. I paused near a fallen tree trunk, rested my hand on it, and immediately decided that it was time to meditate. Seated meditation was and still is my daily practice. I perched myself on that tree trunk next to a little white mushroom and closed my eyes to tune in. What happened next was beyond frightening. Only a few deep breaths in, I began to feel the presence of something nearby, as if someone was watching me from behind. I imagined this presence slowly approaching me until I sensed, almost tangible, that it was about to grasp me while I was vulnerable in seated meditation. I freaked out and opened my eyes. It was not the wind, for the forest was still. It was not an animal foraging, for the forest was silent. Nothing strange was there, but I was still spooked. Eyes closed once again and just a little bit more on guard, I tried to lean into the feeling instead of shaking it off in order figure out whether I was being paranoid or if something was truly there with me. This time, even more vividly, the tingle down my spine made me feel as if I was suspended in the exact moment when you realize that someone is standing behind you. It was not malicious or even remotely scary. It was a warm hug — not quite the physical grip of a hug, but all the good feels that come with one. I accepted it gladly (and with great relief). What popped into my mind was something along the lines of what I wrote down in my journal afterward:
Do not be afraid to accept love.
Be open to love, for you are love.
-a lesson from my morning meditation on the Cathedral Lakes trail in Yosemite National Park.
Love & Light,
SamJuly 21, 2018
This was my love lesson from the forest. To this day, I don’t really know how to explain the hug. Call it whatever you’d like — a ghost, a guide, God Herself. Or just me being absolutely insane. I believe that it was some kind of extension of the Universe delivering me this important message. I cried when I opened my eyes. This subtle energy that entered my space during meditation was heard loud and clear, and what was said to me was exactly what I needed to hear. I gave gratitude to the forest, thanking it for being my teacher for the day. The lesson has served me greatly ever since.
If you’ve been waiting to hear this, then here it is: Do not be afraid to accept love. Be open to love, for you are love. My first reaction to the energy that I encountered in the forest was fear, as that is my conditioned response to the unknown. This meditation made me realize that fear is what holds us back from love. We are conditioned to fear the things that we do not understand, which is great for self preservation and safety purposes, but sometimes keeping out the bad keeps us from letting in the best. If leaves were afraid of getting burned by the sunlight, they’d hide away and never receive the energy that they need to photosynthesize and nourish themselves. Yes, I was spooked in the forest when I thought that there was an actual ghost trying to grab me, but if I let fear control my actions, I would have ran back to the campground without having learned my lesson on love. I would have missed the opportunity to nourish myself because I was too fearful to recognize the loving energy in my presence. And I probably would’ve come back with a fear of forests, and then who would I even be? We torture ourselves fearing that we’ll never find love, so we pine for it from significant others, in friends, in non-friends on social media, when truly, love is all around us. We just need to pay attention and recognize it in its many subtle forms. After this realization, I learned that so long as I have love within myself, love can be found everywhere. I don’t need to go searching for it in other people, in material things, in destinations. Wherever I am, it’s all right here.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
–Rumi
What keeps you from letting love in? For everyone, it is different. For me, I didn’t think that I deserved more love than I already had. I feared that it would be selfish to want more. It’s a weird thing to ask for, you know? “Hey Universe, I have close friends, a functioning family, a significant other, and two dogs. Can I please have more love?” It’s weird when you think about it! So don’t think about it in this way. Love is not measured by what we have, but what we embody. No matter what anyone says, you deserve nothing less than the highest love. Let it in. Now, I’m no expert on this highest form of universal energy, but this is how I see it: Love is abundant, though we are often left wanting merely because we do not recognize the energy around us as love. Truly it is all around us, within us, is us. Like leaves bathed in sunlight, be open to receiving it. Like the air that you breathe, let it fill you up and give you life. Like a person meditating on a tree stump in the middle of a forest at 6am, take this lesson to heart: just let love in.
Love, Love, and Love,
Sam
